Something is making Buddha hate his life.
Wait, what? The agony of self-existence?
Although self-existing can be trying at times, for me it is essence of life. The world I observe with my eyes, ears, touch, and taste is the only thing I know, the only way I can connect with my surroundings. Even so, I find it in no way limiting or disappointing. When I go swimming on a hot summer day, the brightness and warmth from the sun, the churning life that rejoices with the season, the cool sensation of the water, the birds sing and fly about—all of these things are delightful to me, and I never feel bound by my human existence. Even if the body is only a vessel for my soul, I think it is one of the greatest ones. Physically it is resilient; the hands are the most versatile tools I know of, and our muscles acting in synchronization move our bodies in beautiful ways, be it lifting a heavy piece of wood or the most delicate and graceful dance. Mentally, it is unparalleled. Our minds far surpass the intellect of any animal we have observed, and even allow us to be self-aware. This awareness, though it may be despised by Sid, is the reason he can even think about despising his existence. Is it better to live in ignorance?
Maybe I'm a sap, or maybe it's because I am one, but I find beauty in the human form.
When Sid talked about existing “[as] a heron” or “[as] a dead jackal”, it seemed freeing and interesting, but seemed slightly hypocritical to me. Why is existing as a heron, jackal, or any other animal more noble than the existence of a human? Sid seemed fixated on the idea of leaving the human form behind and embracing nature as an entirety. Still, I don’t see humans as separate from nature. I can rejoice in myself and my relation to nature. Society and consumerism has made great strides in its attempt to isolate humanity, and if this is Sid’s issue, then I can relate. Some of the most peaceful days of my life have been in isolation from civilization. I’ve hiked deep into the Jemez Mountains with my family to natural hot springs; I’ve walked rode quietly through the Amazon on a boat with the Albuquerque Youth Symphony; I’ve sat on a rock in the Grand Canyon by myself while my friends took pictures and talked. Though all of these moments have been spiritual and freeing, there is one significant difference between my take on them and Sid’s: I enjoyed being with my family and friends during these times, and sharing the experiences with them was almost equally gratifying. I, as a human, am a social animal, and I see no reason to disassociate myself with this quality.
The heron seems like it has a pretty ideal existence, but I don't see why it is more noble or less agonizing than my own.
I think there are some aspects of Siddhartha that do line up with my views of the world. For example, after seeing the suffering in the world, Arnold Edwin states how he was filled with “such wide love for living things, such passion to heal pain, that by their stress his princely spirit passed to ecstasy.”[2] Needless suffering is something that is revolting, just as sadistic violence is. However, I am not displeased with the state of nature. When “lizard fed on ant, and snake on him, and kite on both,”[3] I was not disgusted or disappointed. Life has evolved from competition, and therefore it needs it to continue. If one wants to connect with nature, the acceptance of this fact is vital.
Competition is part of the "Circle of Life"--that's why its a circle.
[1] Siddhartha 19
[2] A 241
[3] A 241
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