My personal image of Jesus may vary from the norm. However, after you read the evidence presented in this paper, you too may begin to see him as the man he really was.

The life of Jesus, as documented by the bible, which is formed of collections of writings written by unknown authors perhaps centuries after the man’s death, translated by numerous people in numerous contexts, then interpreted by millions of different people that emphasize different parts and readings to form countless derivatives of Christianity, is most likely complete and thorough. Why else, then, would it be deemed Holy by the Pope, the dude who can talk directly to God after he is elected to do so by a bunch of other dudes who want to talk to God? That’s right: there is no argument against this. However, there seems to be something that many people overlook. “Today, most scholars think that the Last Supper of Jesus and his disciples was a modified and transformed Passover.”[1] Interestingly, there is no record of Jesus NOT being able to lift the Passover table over his head.

Hercules wasn't just a TV show, he was actually a person!

My question is this: Could it be possible to argue that Jesus was able to curl over 250 pounds? It is important to remember that Jesus was half man and half God. Like Hercules. And Hercules was ripped. In fact, there is autobiographical evidence of Hercules holding up the earth while Atlas retrieved some apples. For the sake of argument, let us pretend that Jesus was only one one-millionth of the Man-God that Hercules was. This means that Jesus could shoulder press 6,000,000,000,000,000 kilograms[2]—a statement that is never refuted in the Bible. Now, it is reasonable to argue that Hercules could curl more than 250 pounds, but due to lack of hard evidence, we must search elsewhere. After doing some research, I found an interesting video of Ronnie Coleman, aka Mr. Olympia for nine years straight. Watch this video starting at 2 minutes 5 seconds:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TECV1DtFyRo
If my eyes aren’t deceiving me, that video indicates that Ronnie Coleman was able to preacher curl 240-260 pounds—a style of curling that Jesus seems particularly capable of. Now, if I may deliver the punch of my argument:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W1KD7cGRDDc&feature=related
This video is of Ronnie Coleman dead-lifting a mere 800 pounds, a task that would seem trite to Jesus and Hercules alike. If Coleman was able to dead-lift 800 pounds for every 250 pounds he could curl, then Jesus would have theoretically been able to curl 4,133,437,500,000,000 pounds. Hercules would be able to curl one million times more than this. As you can see, even if Jesus’ dead-lift to curl ratio was one one-trillionth of Ronnie Coleman’s, his abilities would have far surpassed 250 pounds.

Something that is even more interesting is apocryphal material that emphasizes Jesus’ muscular figure. For example, in Luke 22:19, it reads: “And he took bread, and gave thanks, and brake it, and gave unto them, saying, This is my body which is given up for you: this do in remembrance of me.”[3] It is common knowledge today that when someone has a “body”, it means that they are well toned and/or muscular. Jesus must have looked at his massive biceps, after completely owning the bread by snapping it right in half, and been inspired to reiterate the beautiful muscular form that was about to be sacrificed.

These guys would have been no match for the Son of God, JC. He would have knocked their matching socks right off.

In sum, when Christians partake of the body of God, it is not a remembrance of Jesus’ spiritual and emotional last meal, but as a psychological blow when we realize our shame of not being able to lift even a tenth of what Jesus could, our identification with Jesus in all of his animal cries and grunts as he worked out, and our own affirmation of the struggle to work out and overcome our weakness. Ronnie Coleman captures perfectly the human condition when he prophesizes, “everyone wants to be a body builder, ain’t nobody wanna do bench-press.”[4] We must remain focused and partake in the sacred ritual of strength training that Jesus was so fond of—even through our toughest lifts. "It is only at this most vulnerable point of pain, uttering unintelligible cries, that God redeems all suffering and asks for our participation in the end of”[5] our workout.

Back and Biceps MF, Triceps and Chest TTh, Legs and Abs WS, and on the seventh day we rest.
Join me next week when I prove that Jesus could fly; how else could he make it to heaven?

The Wright Brothers were decades behind this guy.

[1] A 135
[2] http://science.howstuffworks.com/question30.htm
[3] A 132
[4] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nsh_JSX2pkY
[5] A 137